remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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