I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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