It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
