I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
