No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
