we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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