So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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