Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
