I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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