So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
