either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
