He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My life is pants optional.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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