So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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