we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would punch a child for taco bell
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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