Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Someone came in the potted fern
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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