Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
