you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
