They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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