tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
