period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
