No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
