You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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