She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
