did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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