Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize