Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
