jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
