Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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