More tranny stories later!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize