Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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