So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
birth control should be required to get into college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
