He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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