do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
