I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
