Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
