So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
