On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
