I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
