Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize