apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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