arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
