In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's blow job season.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
