They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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