Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
