five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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