Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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