my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
