i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
