when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
