College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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