He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
