I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
