my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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