the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
