He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
