Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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