Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
