oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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