he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
