He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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