never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
