It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
