just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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