Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
