I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
