new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
