My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
