My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
