When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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