Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
