He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
