Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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