i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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