i think my tv is drunk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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