thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
