OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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