He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
