He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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