I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize