My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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