Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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