OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
