im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we made out on top of his cat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
