do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
