Someone shit on the floor
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
