You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
