i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
