I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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