you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
