I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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