the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
