Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
