i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
