I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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