i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
