Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
