So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
