he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
