About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
